I am feeling really down today. I thought I had my nano project done last night. But I do not have it finished. Sighs.
I really just want to scream sometimes. I hate my job. I want more money. I have no real job skills. Without them I doubt very seriously I will ever get a really good paying job. I make under nine dollars and hour and I have been at my current job for over six years.
I guesss I am just tired. Tired of being told in essence “You have no job skills. We hired someone else. You are not fast enough to do this job. You could do half of this job but not the other half.” Bangs head on desk. I am totally fed up with being told I am not good enough/smart enough/well liked enough to do something I want to do. It is really making me grind my teeth in utter annoyance. I want to know why I am not good enough to land another job. Is it my blindness? My attitude? My loner personality? I really am beginning to want to stay home be a hermit and shop on amazon.com all the time for everything. I have no friends. I have no life. I have no real reason to care about anything at fucking all. I try and I try and I am still stuck. I can only hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I really doubt it though. Being positive is not working for me. I can feel myself going back into my depression. And it sucks. But I see little real need to be positive right now. Everything I try to do falls apart. So Fuck it all. I am going to watch something violent. At least movies keep me from tearing my hair out. I have another week at work to look forward to. I think I would rather stab myself in my remaining eye. Off to watch a movie.
“Kill everyone but me. Then it will be quiet and I can rest.”